my bully desire
this week has had zero productivity. pourquoi? je ne sais pas.
i've tried to do some work, but there's something unfulfilled in my heart that really isn't letting any other desires find fulfillment. qu'est-ce que c'est? i think it has everything to do with my desire or hope to find joy IN God alone, and not the many things I claim to do FOR God. This desire is dominating the playground of tasting good food, accomplishing h/w, enjoying all my friendships. Despite all of this, the most interesting thing in all of this is that I'm pretty confident. I have periodic moments of frustration.. in fact, i'm a little frustrated right now, and I was straight-up angry an hour ago. I think the confidence (that the bully will be satisfied and become more like a loving teacher) comes from some things running through my mind:
-a song lyric i just heard today, "because I'll never hold a picture of the whole horizon you have made", "makes me wonder, who am I... and great are you."
-that Jesus was silent during his suffering until God the Father turned his love from Christ. Then Christ cried out in affliction, and gave up his soul. What was it that made him so secure in God's love, and to value it above all else, even to the effect of his own death?
-that i find it so hard to live IN the gospel, instead of just theoretically believing it.
I think a lot of ppl who read this blog can identify with what I said, so feel free to add your thoughts.