the best pearls are found in deep waters

I'll get just a little personal. last week has been a bit of a spiritual up down for me. I had to forego some ministry things because I needed a break, but even that wasn't what I really needed. What I needed was an experience with 'You.' I had been asking for You to give me some strength to go on, some better circumstance, some direction, and it felt like I wasn't getting much of anything. I was getting along fine, but I was scrapping the barrel for emotional resources that were otherwise depleted.

You showed up Sunday morning, when I grudingly woke You from a nap cause I was sinking. I had been sinking for a while. "You put me here," I yelled, "it was Your command, Your will, and I obeyed. Do you still care?" I couldn't keep afloat much longer. I've been bailing water, delegating responsibilities, shirking opportunities, and getting sick of myself.

You woke and took care of my circumstances. Fixed my boat, but not my heart - that would take some prep time. Sunday morning You put sat me down, stopped me from opening a commentary, and pushed me back to a passage I had already checked off. It wasn't comfortable. I got angry that You asked the disciples to cross the lake with You, and let them flounder while You slept. Why does it have to be that way?

"Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" I found Your questioning comforting. You didn't promise me the sea wouldn't turn ugly again. But You did imply that I can trust You before my circumstances. That's how I'm going to start this week, not with a sorry looking paddle, or a better boat, but a faith that believes the waves and wind and results are under His control.

This is a good kind of learning. The experiental kind that can seeps into your brain and your practice. You touched me well this week, and I believe it will drive me to a greater level of trust.